The Voice of Reason
by xFeedMePoisonedCandyx
Summary: What I imagine would be a typical captains meeting. Set before the soul society arc, and no spoilers unless you didn't know that Ukitake is ill, but I think we're all past that point. Please read, make my day! XD


**The Voice of Reason**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach, yada, yada, yada...

* * *

Yamamoto sighed and closed his eyes. 

His fellow captains - the supposedly _honourable_ Gotei 13 - were behaving like a group of spoilt children.

Which, in effect, they were. Young whippersnappers: he ought to punish the lot of 'em! All except Ukitake, of course. Now there was a man with sense.

But as for the rest…

'At least I wield my zanpakutouwith dignity!' Soi Fong was yelling at someone, 'you look like a baboon brandishing a stick!'

He hadn't been listening up til now (would you have been?), so he wasn't entirely sure who she was talking to. Based on their sword-handling techniques, Yamamoto would guess either Kurosuchi or Zaraki was the baboon in question.

'You can't even see what you're doing!'

Ahhh. Zaraki.

'Y'all seem to be gettin' a bit over-excited…' Ichimaru smirked as Zaraki ripped off his eye patch and roared: 'How's that then? I can see damn fine!' and Soi Fong screamed back: 'Oh, so you _can_ tell where things are on your face? You're not _that_ stupid then?'

Aizen rolled his eyes and chatted pleasantly to Unohana.

Kuchiki called Zaraki '_a low life and a stray dog'_.

Zaraki paused briefly in his battle with Soi Fong and called Kuchiki a 'nancy-assed rich boy'. Then he carried on fighting.

Kurosuchi tried to take a blood sample from Konamura, and got punched for his trouble.

Ichimaru was sidling over to young Hitsugaya, under cover of the chaos.

Hitsugaya was edging away, looking nervous.

Tousen stood and… well, didn't do anything.

Soi Fong punched Zaraki.

Kyokura sat on the floor and drank his sake, watching the drama unfold with a small smile, as though he found the whole thing highly amusing. Which, incidentally, he did.

And Ukitake was currently lying in the squad thirteen garden resting, too ill to come to today's meeting.

It was, in short, a rather hopeless case.

Yamamoto decided that things had gone far enough when he spotted Hitsugaya attemteing to climb out of a window to escape Ichimaru, who was saying, 'But Hitsugaya-tachiou, Izuru _loves_ it when I do that…'

'You'd get arrested for doing stuff like that to minors, you sick weirdo!'

'Hitsu-chan, don't knock it til ya've tried it…'

'_Stay away from me pervert!_'

'ENOUGH!'

Aizen and Unohana looked round.

Zaraki let go of Soi Fong's head.

Soi Fong pulled Suzumebachi out from Zaraki's foot.

Kurosuchi stopped trying to stab his needle into Konamura's arm.

Ichimaru let go of Hitsugaya's legs.

Hitsugaya fell back down onto the floor.

Kuchiki stopped re-doing his hair, which was necessary after Zaraki had deliberately messed it up on his way past.

Tousen didn't move.

Kyokura carried on drinking, but did do him the honour of looking up.

Silence. Blissful, wonderful silence.

'You call yourselves captains?' Yamamoto spoke into the rare silence, 'Were he well enough to be here, I'm certain Ukitake-tachiou would be ashamed of you! '

'All of you!' he added, glaring around.

It was with a great feeling of surprise that he saw the other captains hang their heads, and shuffle meekly back to their original positions, occasionally mumbling a 'sorry' on the way past.

'Now then,' Yamamoto continued, momentarily shaken by the suddenly co-operation, 'shall we get back to what we were discussing, before you all decided to act like school children?'

Everyone's eyes flicked to Hitsugaya who was, after all, a school child.

'As I was saying…' Yamamoto cleared his throat importantly.

'in answer to your earlier request Kyokura, the shinigami's robes will not be changed colour. I am sorry, but I flat out refuse to be dress up like a sunflower.'

He winced as once again the room exploded with noise.

'Wh-yyyy, Yama-jii?'

'You know damn well why! Because he doesn't want us to look as stupid as you!'

'Hey, there's no need to call him stupid…'

'You can shut it as well, shorty!'

'Excuse me?!'

'Calm down, Hitus-chan, you're getting yourself all worked up again…'

'I thought I told you to stay away from me!'

'Stop that Ichimaru!!!'

'You people are all such peasants.'

'Go to hell, aristocrat boy! Go do your hair, or somethin' useful like that.'

'At least his hair doesn't look like it was done in the dark!'

'WHAT?! I should tell Yachiru what you just said…'

'Ok, Ok, I'm sorry!!'

'You better be.'

Yamamoto sighed. He wished Ukitake was here.

* * *

well... what did you think? ill leave you to put characters to the voices at the end. some of them are obvious, but others depend on your point of veiw. 

please review:D


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